I wish I was a kid again.
Sometimes, I pretend that I am...wasting my days away listening to one song a hundred times, reading novels as opposed to assigned readings from my lecturers, eating all of my favourite snacks in a day and walking around in my most comfortable pyjamas from morning to evening.
I just pretend that I have no responsibilities...I have no cares in the world...I switch off the internet on my phone and refuse to check whether I have any new 'likes' on my Instagram or messages on Whatsapp. What a freeing feeling!
The kid in me is happy all the time, despite the circumstances. I find something good about everyday and I always think so highly of people - even those that have hurt me. The kid in me believes that dreams come true, and knows what to prioritise...apparently, this always includes doing the things I love and spending money on people and experiences - not on clothes and shoes.
The kid in me isn't afraid of expressing how she really feels and telling people just how much she loves them. She doesn't fear rejection; what she really fears is not utilising every opportunity to tell her loved ones how much she values them, because she knows that the same opportunity might not present itself again.
She doesn't worry about her weight, or how she looks to everyone else...so she's in constant battle with "the adult in me", who is very aware of how much weight she's gained in the past couple of months and just how many clothes she needs before she feels like she's finally "hip" enough to be considered fashionable...
The kid in me is not afraid of looking or sounding stupid; she's not afraid of making mistakes. She loves to learn, to grow, to experience, to laugh, to play, to sing, to dance, to eat, to dream...
She's not concerned with what people think or say about her; she's more concerned about how she feels about herself and what drives her to make certain decisions. She's not concerned with how many friends she has or doesn't have; she's more concerned about making the ones she loves happy - and many times, she achieves that. She doesn't care about how many guys broke her heart. She's more concerned about their obvious lack in good taste.
She's a bit weak, having been subdued for so long...but she recently found her wings and she's regaining the strength in her bones. I plan to let her take full control....well, almost full control of my life. I plan to let her fly...
I find it easier and more effective to write down how I feel rather than to say it.
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